Coercive Control: The Abuse You Cannot Always See
Coercive control is one of the most dangerous forms of abuse because it often leaves no visible marks. Unlike a single act of violence, coercive control is a pattern of behavior designed to strip away a person's autonomy, freedom, and sense of self over time. It is now recognized as a criminal offense in several countries and is increasingly understood as a core dynamic in domestic abuse.
What Is Coercive Control?
Coercive control is a form of psychological abuse. It's difficult to identify coercive control once you're in the relationship, because it can be very gradual and subtle. The abuser's goal is to make the victim feel like they are powerless, and this can have devastating effects on self-esteem. A person in coercive control may isolate their partner from friends and family members as well as prevent them from having contact with people outside of their intimate relationship.
Coercive control can be as dangerous as physical and emotional abuse. It involves the use of intimidation, harassment, and fear, including:
- Being told what to do or who to see
- Being threatened with harm if you disobey commands
- Being isolated from family members or friends
Common Tactics of Coercive Control
- Isolation - Cutting you off from friends, family, and support networks so you become dependent on the abuser.
- Monitoring and surveillance - Tracking your movements, checking your phone, or controlling your online activity.
- Rules and punishment - Imposing strict rules about daily life, then punishing you with anger, silence, or threats when you break them.
- Financial control - Restricting your access to money so you cannot leave or make independent decisions.
- Gaslighting - Making you question your own memory, perception, and sanity.
Why Coercive Control Is So Harmful
Coercive control can be as damaging as physical violence, sometimes more so. It systematically dismantles a person's sense of self, leaving them feeling trapped, confused, and unable to trust their own judgment. Victims often lose friends, family connections, and financial independence, making it extremely difficult to leave. Recognizing the pattern is the first step toward reclaiming your life.
How Can Peer Support Help With Coercive Control?
Coercive control is a form of abuse that leaves its victims feeling powerless and can lead to victims losing friends and family. Seeking peer support is a powerful way for victims to regain trust in their own experience and rebuild their self-esteem and support network. Peer support can also help victims identify symptoms of coercive control in their relationship. Coercive control is dangerous and seeking help, whether through peer support, crisis line or professional, is highly recommended.
How ShareWell Supports Survivors of Coercive Control
At ShareWell, we offer peer support groups where survivors of coercive control can connect with others who truly understand the experience. Our groups provide a safe space to rebuild trust in yourself, process what happened, and begin reclaiming your identity. Hearing from others who have walked the same path can be a powerful reminder that you are not alone, and that healing is possible. If you are in immediate danger, please contact a crisis helpline or local authorities.
Want to connect with others who understand? Join an online support group today.
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