my story is as complex as existence itself & as a writer & artist my life’s callings are to extract the medicine, lessons, wisdoms & blessings from the challenges that acted as catalysts throughout my life, to alchemize the theme of abandonment, neglect, abuse, dilution, repression tumult, turmoil & being distraught to abundance, nurturing, nourishing, divinity, radiance, embodiment, impact, alignment & fulfillment. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD, CPTSD, bipolar, depression, anxiety & more I’m sure if I’d allow them to. While I do resonate with my diagnoses, I am careful not to let myself be defined or overly identified with diagnoses or the term “disorder” or “disease”. I am a major proponent of our thoughts create our reality, there being a divine design to life (yes, even the hardships because they’re essential to our discovery, unfolding & often directly related to the impact we have on others in our lifetime — yet often our blockages & wounds are ALSO directly correlated to the gifts, callings & purpose we have to express, pursue & embody in our life time.) I practice nuance, duality & dialectics heavily, so while I do not shy away from naming my grievance, my pain, shame, anger, fear, etc. but I also do not define, attach myself to or continue to reinforce by enabling and affirming perceptions of distortions, dilution, disease or dysfunction. I’ve been thru abuse, neglect, abandonment, exiling & exploitation from my partners. My first memory is a domestic violence case between my mother & father over dinner, I the youngest of 3 girls between my partners, and the last of 7 of my dads children. My dad was 50 years older than I; 65 when I was in middle school — pretty bizarre. He was a cop, my mom a nurse. One an alcoholic, one a medicinal addict. One abusive but provided, one slept her life away, was victim to depression & chronic pain, always told her children she was going to kill herself, she dressed me in a corset & heels at 4 y/o & joked that I’d be a stripper, then she left me in the middle of the night — attempting to walk out while I was asleep to leave Texas to go to Hawaii for 6 months to sleep all day & shack up with a guy who she later told us rated R stories about when I was <10. I moved around a lot, had the need to be hyper independent. Lived with my mom thru my teens, basically provided everything for myself — she paid for everything but never once cooked a meal, never took me to school, I did the grocery shopping, cooking, taking myself to school. My job was just always to be as quiet as possible in the apartment because she slept all day, all night - on repeat outside of working 3 nights a week as a nurse if she didn’t skip work so much that she got fired. I lived on my own since I was 17/18, was a stripper, promiscuous before then, had plenty of relationships/friendships with men twice my age from the time I was 14 years old. I experienced getting pregnant by a long term friend who immediately shamed me, insulted me & threatened me & the fetus’ future well being by saying “with how much you talk about your mental health issues online do you REALLY think you’re going to get custody?” — context: psychology, mental health, intuition, philosophy, neuroscience, topics related to BPD; basically, ALL sensitive topics that society discourages us from exploring — because these topics & aspects of ourselves are vital expressions of us as spirits having a human experience that contribute to, cultivate & fortify our conscious awareness and the reclamation, integration & embodiment of authenticity. I call it psychological voyaging. This is what keeps me alive, it is my life line. Everything I involve myself in is highly introspective & intuitive, & I intend to be a initiator of conscious raising awareness. 🌀